At any rate, Chris, don’t get too down on yourself. You are a busy person, and while you may not setting this blog ablaze, you are accomplishing a lot. The work you do is not easy, not something most people could swing, but you do it well. You’ve accomplished a lot in your lifetime, too.

Dean, I only met you once, at India Palace, but I remember hearing about your being in a Ph D program, and comparing myself to you. I’m 26 and do not yet even have an associate’s degree. In the big scheme of things, why is this important? I don’t know, but it really seemed like a shortcoming to me at the time.

I like what Maureen said, too: Sometimes people come along who simply have big ideas, but before one can come to fruition, another one springs up. The problem with having vision of that kind is that you can already foresee the potential results–the grandest possibilities are the very thing that motivates one to begin the project at all. For some, half the excitement of undertaking the project is to see what may result. For others, the potential is already evident–and sometimes the reality doesn’t measure up to it. This in itself can be discouraging, and often such Initiators do feel personally responsible when the reality doesn’t live up the vision–but it’s not their fault.

You asked for help on this blog, and several people, myself included, signed up agreeing to contribute regularly. It is why we were designated as authors. But we, too, have found ourselves busy with other things, or for whatever other reason, unable to contribute. Believe me when I say this, Chris, more than thinking you have failed in some way, I have quietly chided myself for not following through. And I know from experience that when one has a vision that requires help from outside quarters in order to manifest, and that help never comes–it can be very discouraging.

What’s really great, though, is how you keep coming back. You haven’t given up. That is the definition of commitment, and as long as you haven’t made up your mind to abandon this project, you cannot call yourself a failure–not by a longshot. What you’re doing by persevering is what will eventually bring about the success you seek, even if it cannot be said that the site’s rise was meteoric.

And I swear I’ll contribute something, too–once I produce a piece of writing worth adding here.

I must admit that this was exactly what I needed to read today. As some of you know, I’m currently in a Ph.D. program and a semester away from finishing my coursework. Like Chris, at times I get overambitious, and so this sememster I don’t only have a full load of courses, but am part of a Braj Bhasha reading group on the side and am TA-ing an Intro to Buddhism course.

I normally don’t fish for pity, which is what this surely appears to be. However, this might be the first time in my life in which I am seriously concerned that I will not be able to complete all the work I have committed to. Besides the heavy load of reading every week, classes this semester in particular are requiring a serious, well-thought-out essay every week.

Many people say, “Just write anything. It doesn’t really matter ultimately anyway.” However, I function much like Chris has mentioned in this article: I don’t want to do shoddy work; I aim put the most I can into everything.

The problem with this high level of expectations is that it is often accompanied with a crippling fear of failure. It’s ironic that the desire to give all of your effort into something may lead to holding oneself back from producing anything at all.

Reading Chris’ note today has blown this whole complex wide open. If I can get rid of this fear of failure and be willing to accept it, I can put all the effort I want to into my work and produce something. Setting fear of failure aside, the work can flow–and more likely be something of value.

Thanks Chris for this upliftment. Now I must get back to work!

-Dean

As has been pointed out to be time and time again, and always deservedly, I have a great, contagious enthusiasm for beginnings, but abyssmal follow through. I have a lot of great ideas, but few them ever live to the light of day. It certainly isn’t that I am unaware, it’s just that each time I get excited, it really feels like this time will be different. And I disappoint myself far more freqently than anyone else. For every eventually failed endeavor I have shared with others, there are two or three more that simply fade into the recesses of my mind with only the spark of promise.
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Chris,
for what it is worth: what I read from the above comments is ‘a person with a very big mind’ great capacity for knowing what is possible, what could/should be done etc etc. In short what I call a ‘big person’in a small world.

for what it is worth: for such people trying to focus on 1 thing for long enough to see it all the way through is, frankly, too boring to sustain. In those instances, the ‘big person’ is fortunate enough if they have successfully inspired others to take up the rest of the task once ‘big person’ inspiration has got their attention. In itself, even seed sowing ‘ideas’ is a useful work.

Perhaps Govert’s suggestion that there needs to be 1 thing, 1 challenging enough contribution, (worthy enough for the ‘inner big person’) and ‘exclusively your own’ to focus attention on and see through to it’s conclusion?

I don’t see ‘having great contageous enthusiasm for beginnings but abysmal follow through’ as a weakness, or failure. I see that as a Big Person (probably always volunteering to serve) without enough time to see all the constructive ideas through!

After all, there’s more useful ideas coming all the time…right? It’s a gift….right? It’s a Leader quality.

Leaders, especially leaders with good ideas abundant, are best to do as much as they can themselves physically but never overlooking that inspiring others is invaluable too.

That’s my opinion….for what it is worth.

Don’t hit yourself too hard with this, though I might have given you a 4×6 to do so. First, appreciate even more as you seem to do, that you have the freedom in the first place to fail as that implies freedom to try, and therefore also the possibility to succeed. Unfortunately this country is moving into a mind-set where failure has to be prevented by all kinds of bail-outs with the inevitable effect of loosing freedom and the possibility of genuine success. Second, maybe the right word is error, not failure, which opens the possibility to analyze one’s situation more deeply. Third, it’s a matter of keeping on tinkering with projects till you get something that’s fit to survive. The philosopher of science Karl Popper had something of a similar idea on the production of hypotheses: keep creating conjectures till one will reasonably survive attempted refutations. And the one big caveat he had was that a scientific hypothesis has to be formulated such that it could ‘fail,’ otherwise you just move into the secure but unproductive realm of failure-proof untestable metaphysics. Fourth, the most important project, as the sage from the Black Forest would say, is ones own life. You are what you resolve to do with the rest of your life in the face of the finiteness of this life and its limitations. A very important decision here is also if you appropriate, and be appropriated by, someone else’s project, like HPB or the TS or the Masters, or that you formulate one that is radically your own. I haven’t figured that one out yet for myself, but it might be good to critically look, not only within oneself, but, in the context of our whiling with the TS in this life, also to look at the assumptions underlying the Krotona invitational and the TS in general. You think you failed with blogging the event, but maybe there is an error with certain TS assumptions as they have silently evolved throughout the decades and when confronted with these through a process of intensification, as must have happened at Krotona, you might have gotten into spheres of cognitive dissonances, which might be hard to pin down, but are definitely existing, and can have the effect of undermining the effort to harness one’s enthusiasm into creative expression. I’m of course conjecturing here and be proven wrong, but I think it’s a possibly productive and testable idea that is in need of some deep, critical reflection by those who have some skill in ferreting out assumptions, sacred cows and cognitive dissonances. I know for sure you have those skills, but will you let yourself be appropriated by and become proper to such a project? I will soon give an opening blast and might title it “The Tacit Dimension of the Theosophical Experience” and thereby make up for my own laxity in blogging on this forum.

I have heard this message before that those who succeed the most are also those who fail the most. You reminded me of it. It seems true. Just for balance’s sake.

Thanks for the post.