http://theosophist.wordpress.com/2008/03/14/forgiveness/ voices from the path Fri, 25 Jul 2008 13:36:57 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=MU http://theosophist.wordpress.com/2008/03/14/forgiveness/#comment-22 Pablo Sun, 16 Mar 2008 14:45:40 +0000 http://theosophist.wordpress.com/?p=35#comment-22 I think there are several elements involved in the process of real forgiveness. The first one is probably to be willing to forgive, or to take the necessary steps to do it. It doesn't mean at this point we shouldn't feel hurt or upset. It means that we are willing to let that feeling go. If we are still feeding the resentment, there is no possibility for a process of forgiveness to take place. The second step would be one of awareness of our feelings. We have to become a witness of whatever is happening inside us, without distorting it. Only a silent awareness, listening the blaming, the justification, or whatever is there. Then, sometimes, after being aware of what happens for a while, we experiment a spontaneous ceasing of our resentment. It may be accompanied by an intellectual understanding of either the other person's reaction, or of ours. Or it can be just a non-conceptual ceasing of the conflict, by itself. And you can recognize that the process is a genuine one because when thinking of that person you don't feel any antagonism anymore. And it usually is accompanied with a calm awareness of our part in the conflict, so we don't blame him/her. Sometimes the process of forgiveness will not be completed with a single effort, and it may require a more complex approach. It depends on how deep is the origin of our reaction. We may have to engage in a more discursive action, reflecting on the situation, trying to see things from the other person’s point of view, examining why we feel hurt, etc. That is an intellectual work that, although is not the direct tool to solve an emotional problem, may prepare the ground for that supra-conceptual understanding to take place. That’s the way it seems to work with me, and no only with this particular emotional reaction but with any other. There is, however, a much more direct way to come to a real forgiveness, although most of us are crippled in that. The way is LOVE. If there is love in our heart, all the rest is very easy. I think there are several elements involved in the process of real forgiveness. The first one is probably to be willing to forgive, or to take the necessary steps to do it. It doesn’t mean at this point we shouldn’t feel hurt or upset. It means that we are willing to let that feeling go. If we are still feeding the resentment, there is no possibility for a process of forgiveness to take place.
The second step would be one of awareness of our feelings. We have to become a witness of whatever is happening inside us, without distorting it. Only a silent awareness, listening the blaming, the justification, or whatever is there.
Then, sometimes, after being aware of what happens for a while, we experiment a spontaneous ceasing of our resentment. It may be accompanied by an intellectual understanding of either the other person’s reaction, or of ours. Or it can be just a non-conceptual ceasing of the conflict, by itself. And you can recognize that the process is a genuine one because when thinking of that person you don’t feel any antagonism anymore. And it usually is accompanied with a calm awareness of our part in the conflict, so we don’t blame him/her.
Sometimes the process of forgiveness will not be completed with a single effort, and it may require a more complex approach. It depends on how deep is the origin of our reaction. We may have to engage in a more discursive action, reflecting on the situation, trying to see things from the other person’s point of view, examining why we feel hurt, etc. That is an intellectual work that, although is not the direct tool to solve an emotional problem, may prepare the ground for that supra-conceptual understanding to take place.
That’s the way it seems to work with me, and no only with this particular emotional reaction but with any other.
There is, however, a much more direct way to come to a real forgiveness, although most of us are crippled in that. The way is LOVE. If there is love in our heart, all the rest is very easy.

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